Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling

Thank you for your patience. I’ve decided to try something new so let’s get straight into it.



  • The problem with plays, especially reading plays, is that everything can only be conveyed via speech.
    The play feels like a re-hash of many of the key elements that were worked successfully into the Harry Potter Series but could be conveyed subtly and thoughtfully over a seven book series, but because everything is jammed into what I think is only a two hour play, it feels a bit jarring.
    It’s really appeasing to the Harry Potter fanbase and has relied heavily on the success of this franchise. If this story came out in a different series, it wouldn’t be as successful.
    In essence, it was trying to pay homage to the series but only succeeding in making an imitation. But they do say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
    It’s light reading, you read it because you’ve followed the Harry Potter Franchise, you wouldn’t read it if you wanted a great read.





Part One Act One


Scene One

  • It’s pretty much a rehash of the Epilogue in Book Seven so we’re really kicking off with continuity.


Scene Two

  • So we kick things off with Ron adding a magical spin to the classic ‘I got your nose’ joke that all Uncles are obligated to do. I don’t like how Ron was portrayed as Comic Relief Sidekick in the movies but I absolutely believe that he would constantly make terrible Dad Jokes.
  • I’m really surprised Harry doesn’t just re-assure Albus there is nothing wrong with being sent to Slytherin; making vague statements about how the Sorting Hat “will take your feelings into account” isn’t the explicit statement a nervous child needs.

Ron: You know Gin, we always thought there was a chance you could be sorted into Slytherin.

  • See, it looks to me that Potter and Friends don’t really have a problem with the Slytherin house if the most Gryffindor family to ever Gryffindor is ok with their baby sister going into the Evil House.
  • And apparently Fred and George were placing bets on whether Ginny would be in Slytherin which is so perfect. I wonder what other hilarious antics Fred and George will get up to in this play oh wait…


Scene Three

  • I’m going to have very definite expectations for any female offspring Hermione has so I’m a bit sad that Rose is dead set on making the ‘right friends’. On the other hand, I’m glad she didn’t just write off her muggle background and included her mother as well.

Rose: On the contrary, it’s exciting. I’m a Granger-Weasley, you’re a Potter – everyone will want to be friends with us, we’ve got the pick of anyone we want.

Albus: So how do we decide – which compartment to go in…

Rose: We rate them all and then we make a decision.

  • And Scorpius has arrived. I have high hopes that he’ll be portrayed fairly because I really believe Draco has learnt his lesson and he’ll do things differently with his child. He seems a bit dorky which is a good sign (singing to new people, really Scorpius?) that the Malfoy ego is dead and gone.
  • And we have the potential Curse Child! But if anyone is the slightest bit familiar with Rowling’s writing style, she might as well just scrawled Red Herring all over the page. There is a rumour going around the Wizarding World that Scorpius is Voldemort’s child due to time travelling shenanigans and I have many questions about this: Why does Rose know and Albus does not? Why is Rose so prejudiced about this? Hermione wouldn’t have raised her children like this, given all the prejudice she’s gone through. Again, I know I’m being super biased about how Rose should be portrayed (because who didn’t behave like dicks when they were eleven) but I promise to ease up on my expectations.
  • I’m sure it’s not an accident that J.K. Rowling chose to have Albus choose to sit with the unpopular kid on his first day, just like Harry refused the rich boy for the poor boy on his first day so I’m expecting a strong running theme of parent-child relationships.


Scene Four

  • Of course Albus is sent to Slytherin. It’s not like Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw are going to get any love (what I wouldn’t give for Albus to be sent to Hufflepuff for potential Cedric Diggory comparisons, just to really mess with Harry’s survivor issues).
  • And the Wizarding population have replaced ‘Thank God’ with ‘Thank Dumbledore’. Did they do that with Merlin too at some point? Will we be hearing a ‘Thank Potter’ in the near future? I’m not even being sarcastic I really need to know.
  • Draco shows up and begs Harry to help put an end to the hurtful rumours about his son to which Harry’s only response is the text equivalent of ‘no lol’. It’s not as if Harry has had any traumatic experience with rumours about himself in the media when he was growing up so I don’t expect Harry to understand that letting rumours feed off fear and hate is not the way to control it.
  • Rose is kind of mean (but I get that all eleven year olds are dicks). You don’t have to be chummy with your cousin but don’t treat them like scum.
  • Scorpius you’re really cute cheering for your best friend’s cousin like that and I know Rowling’s trying to appease the Draco-Hermione shippers but the fact that you and Albus are continually stated to be each other’s only friend is giving the fanfic writers a lot to work with. And the following scene between them when Albus learns that Scorpius’ mother has passed away isn’t helping:

Albus: I thought you’d send an owl…

Scorpius: I couldn’t work out what to say.

Albus: And now I don’t know what to say…

Scorpius: Say nothing.

Albus: Is there anything…

Scorpius: Come to the funeral.

Albus: Of course.

Scorpius: And be my good friend.

  • Basically this entire scene is an avalanche of contrasts between Harry and Albus to really drive the point home that they’re nothing alike; bad at Quidditch, not much friends (although Harry didn’t really strike me as the popular type in school anyway since he’s only friends seemed to be the Golden Trio), hates Hogsmeade trips etc.


Scene Five

  • And we have our plot point! Theodore Nott was discovered with a Time Turner even though they were all destroyed in Book Five. I’m going to guess that this entire play will have a lot of time travelling and alternate universes. All jokes aside, I love time travelling stories (Book Three was hands-down my favourite) so I’m getting excited all over again.
  • We also learn that Harry is the Head of Magical Law Enforcement and Hermione is the Minister of Magic which makes me want to high-five various people because fuck yeah!!!


Scene Six

  • We have just learnt that Amos Diggory wants Harry to go back in time to save Cedric oh my fucking God Dumbledore Cedric Diggory is an important plot point I’m going to buy a lottery ticket.
  • We also have a new character called Delphi who is Amos’ niece. The fact that she’s named after a famous Greek Oracle is definitely not plot important at all. Just like Sirius being named after the Dog Star was not an important plot point.
  • Is there another prophecy coming? Are we going to get another lesson about the importance of choice? I really enjoyed those morality lessons though, the importance of choice is one of the defining elements of the Harry Potter series, along with the inevitability of death and the power of love.


Scene Seven

  • Harry tries to bond with Albus by giving him his old blanket from Book One but of course it fails and holy shit does Rowling really know how to utilise minor items in her series.

Harry: Well, there are times I wish you weren’t my son.

  • That is ice cold Harry. Especially since you’ve wished your entire life for a family. Although, being fair, despite all their love and devotion, there probably isn’t a parent in the world who hasn’t imagined strangling their own child at some point.


Scene Eight

  • This scene was kind of boring, Harry just has a dream about meeting Hagrid for the first time.


Scene Nine

  • Harry’s scar hurts again which means that the “All is well” sentence from the Epilogue of Book Seven is a dirty fucking lie (but we always knew that when this play popped up).
  • But his scar only hurts if Voldemort is nearby? Does this mean that there is another Horcrux? Are Harry’s children Horcruxes?! Will he have to kill his own children?!? Is this the parent-child issue that readers will have to confront? I don’t know if I can handle that kind of angst for Harry.


Scene Ten

  • Please just get a room you two.

Albus: I’ve been looking for you everywhere…

Scorpius: And now you’ve found me. Tada! I was hardly hiding. You know how I like to … get on early. Stops people staring. Shouting. Writing ‘son of Voldemort’ on my trunk. That one never gets old. She really doesn’t like me does she?

Albus hugs his friend. With fierceness. The hold for a beat. Scorpius is surprised by this.

Okay. Hello. Um. Have we hugged before? Do we hug?

  • But my heart is breaking for Scorpius. Wizarding world, I’m happy that you’re no longer scared of the name Voldemort but this is not the correct context to use it.
  • On the other hand, Scorpius, you are quickly becoming my favourite character:

Albus: First question. What do you know about the Triwizard tournament?

Scorpius (happy): Ooooh, a quiz! Three schools pick three champions to compete in three tasks for one cup. What’s that got to do with anything?

  • And now we have all the plot points tying together; Albus decides do what the famous Harry Potter wouldn’t do which is to go back in time to save Cedric (so here we have the Slytherin personality kicking in, and I’m still shitting myself that Cedric is such an important character in this play).
  • Scorpius is now establishing himself as the Voice of Reason by pointing out to Albus why this idea is stupid on so many levels but the Voice of Reason in any fantasy novel is obviously going to be ignored.


Scene Eleven

  • OH MY DUMBLEDORE the Trolley Witch reveal!! I don’t care what else shows up in the rest of the novel this is pretty dramatic, like edge-of-your-seat exciting. The Trolley Witch turns out to be a magical sentient being that along with feeding children, prevents children from escaping from the train by: transforming her hands into magical spikes (how will this be shown on stage?) and turning Pumpkin Pasties into grenades.
  • And of course it’s a Potter and a Malfoy that breaks the Trolley Witch’s ‘No Escape’ record. Somewhere, McGonagall’s getting flashbacks to the flying car incident in Book Two and has just resigned herself to accepting the inevitable when the Potter and Weasley families merge, but on the other hand, I bet she’s also probably a tiny bit surprised that it’s not the Potter son named after James and Sirius that pulled this stunt.


Scene Twelve

  • Hermione calls an Extraordinary General Meeting on the basis that someone’s scar is hurting and the fact that this constitutes as a national crisis speaks volumes about what the Wizarding population will consider as evidence and what will be disregarded as rumours. To all the readers who keep finding logical inconsistencies in the Ministry of Magic’s behaviour, I want you to think about this action.
  • Boomslang skin and lacewing flies are missing so obviously we’re going to see some Polyjucing.
  • I know some people might give McGonagall crap for not making this connection but I’m prepared to give her the benefit of the doubt and I’ll explain why. When you’re reading, you are always on the look out of clues and when you have a series as picked apart as the Harry Potter Series, it’s no wonder all the readers are on hyper alert. But when you’re experiencing these incidents as part of your own day to day life, you may not be able to make the connection because very few people are going to jump to the conclusion of illegal activities. For example, if I were to say that a neighbour was really standoffish, private, with no regular job hours and had a white van show up at random times of the day, it’s pretty obvious they’re drug dealers, but I swear to Dumbledore no one in my street realised this until the police showed up in hazmat suits and escorted my neighbour out in handcuffs.


Scene Thirteen

  • Nothing happens except that Albus and Scorpius now meet up with Delphi.


Scene Fourteen

  • Albus and Scorpius go to Amos and explain their plan who rightly questions their decision like a normal adult would. I wonder how many things could have been prevented had the adults in this series made mature decisions.

Amos: Help? What use could a pair of undersized teenagers be for me?

  • Delphi overrides this so she’s probably the villain, but that’s too obvious for Rowling.


Scene Fifteen

  • You know who else is slowly becoming my favourite character? Ron. In another genre type, Ron would be the straight man but in the Harry Potter world, everything he says is ridiculous.

Ron (to Harry): The trolls could be going to a party, the giants to a wedding, you could be getting bad dreams because you’re worried about Albus, and your scar could be hurting because you’re getting old.

  • It’s good to see being told off by Molly Weasley is still a credible threat, as it should be.
  • And Harry and friends now learn that Albus and Scorpius never got to Hogwarts and react accordingly.


Scene Sixteen

  • We have our polyjuicing so we now we know who our thief is, but I will still stand by my decision that Delphi is too obvious a villain. How are they going to show this on stage?! If anyone has actually seen it, can you please let me know? I’m serious.


Scene Seventeen

  • That’s honestly really distressing to read. Like Scorpius has just resigned himself to his belief that he’s a loser.

Draco: And Scorpius is a follower not a leader despite everything I’ve tried to instil in him. So it’s undoubtedly Albus who got him from that train and my question is where would he take him?

  • Draco must be so stunned to learn that between Harry and himself, he has turned out to be the better father.
  • Ha, we all understand Draco.

Draco: I don’t care what you did or who you saved, you are a constant curse on my family, Harry Potter.


Scene Eighteen

  • I love that even after all these years, Harry is feeling really awkward about third-wheeling Ron and Hermione’s relationship.


Scene Nineteen

  • Scorpius you are providing excellent entertainment.

Scorpius: My point is – there’s a reason – we’re friends, Albus – a reason we found each other, you know? And whatever this – adventure is about…

Then he spots a book on the shelf that makes him frown.

Have you seen the books on these shelves? There are some serious books here. Banned books. Cursed books.

Albus: How to distract Scorpius from difficult emotional issues. Take him to a library.

  • Hermione, why are you so predictable?

Delphi: She’s weaponised it. She’s weaponised her library. This is where the Time-Turner will be. Solve the riddle and we’ll find it.

  • I feel like Hermione kind of dropped the ball here. She hid the time turner in her bookshelf and used a series of riddles to conceal it. Have you learnt nothing from your adventures from destroying Horcruxes? How much harder would it have been for you to find the Horcruxes if Voldemort didn’t use items critical to his personality, allowing anyone with an understanding of his history to track them down? And did you just assume that no one can solve riddles? Did you forget what you did in Book One?


Part One Act Two


Scene One

  • Harry has another dream about his childhood and they’re pretty traumatic to say the least, I have nothing humorous to say.


Scene Two

  • Voldemort’s making a strong re-appearance so I’m probably going to guess there’s another Horcrux running around.


Scene Three

  • Draco’s really leaning on that fourth wall here. I’m glad someone’s calling Harry out on this; too many people are just really accepting of the fact that everytime something happens, Harry’s there.

Harry: Quite a surprise to see you, Draco. I thought you didn’t believe in my dreams.

Draco: I don’t, but I do trust your luck. Harry Potter is always where the action is at. And I need my son back with me and safe.


Scene Four

  • Delphi and Albus bond, making Scorpius jealous. I suspect this was written with every intention of third-wheeling an already lonely kid, making him even more pitiful, but given how Albus and Scorpius’ relationship has been portrayed, this is not what it looks like.


Scene Five

  • More vague prophecies but this time from a Centaur.

Bane: A black cloud that may endanger us all. You’ll find your son again, Harry Potter. But then you could lose him forever.

  • So Delphi is clearly the bad guy here. Unless Rowling is really throwing out the twists by having Scorpius carry some secret curse from Voldemort.
  • We’re moving along pretty quickly, plot-wise so there are less fluff pieces to comment on.


Scene Six

  • You two, please. You’re not even trying to make it difficult at this point. It’s not even a cute boyhood friendship at this point, Ron and Harry never gave off vibes like this.

Scorpius: All I ever wanted to do was go to Hogwarts and have a mate to get up to mayhem with. Just like Harry Potter. And I got his son. How crazily fortunate is that.

Albus: But I’m nothing like my dad.

Scorpius: You’re better. You’re my best friend, Albus. And this is mayhem to the nth degree. Which is great, thumbs-up great, it’s just – I have got to say – I don’t mind admitting – I am a tiny bit – just a tiny but scared.

Albus looks at Scorpius and smiles.

Albus: You’re my best friend too. And don’t worry – I have a good feeling about this.


Scene Seven

  • The same actor that plays Rose will be playing Hermione when Albus and Scorpius travel back in time to the Triwizard tournament so I’m really appreciating the continual discussion on how much children should be or should not be like their parents. With parents as famous and powerful as Harry, Ron and Hermione, it’s hard to break away from these comparisons, and it’s interesting to see the portrayals of the children who handle it well and those who do not.


Scene Eight

  • For the love of Dumbledore, Harry, can’t you put anything together without Hermione holding your hand?

Harry: He’s [referring to Albus] been out for twenty-four hours, mostly in order so Madam Pomfrey could rest his arm. She said it was the strangest thing… it’s like it was broken twenty years ago and allowed to set in the ‘most contrary’ of directions. She says he’ll be fine.

  • Did you share this with Hermione? She would have taken one look at her ruined bookshelf, processed the advice from Pomfrey and realised what the hell just happened and this story would be a lot shorter.
  • Oh good more ambiguous advice from Dumbledore. If everyone just took a course on communication skills, everything would be solved a lot faster.


Scene Nine

  • Clever Rowling, clever. She’s been dropping little hints that somethings a little off (e.g. Ron’s hair is parted differently) and now we’re seeing that Albus and Scorpius have landed in an alternate universe, one of the consequences is that Ron and Hermione aren’t even married, which is an enormous travesty.
  • This is one of Rowling’s key strengths, her ability to drop clues without readers knowing until the big finale is made. There’s immense control over the planning of her story and she doesn’t miss any details and I’m so happy that this can be shown off in all its glory in a time-travelling story.


Scene Ten

  • In this entire scene, Harry is behaving like douchebag. Harry you’ve changed so much from your youth. This isn’t how you should be acting. And telling the teacher who bought you a broomstick when you were a poor orphan that she doesn’t understand what it’s like to have children is pretty fucking ungrateful, fuck you Harry seriously. Someone else, besides Draco, needs to call Harry out on his bullshit.
  • And McGonagall tries to be that person but Harry just covers his ears with his hands whilst screaming “I can’t here you” over and over again.


Scene Eleven

  • Along with Albus now being in Gryffindor (when will Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff actually do something?), Hermione is the DADA Professor and please just read this scene:

Hermione: Losing patience now. Ten points from Gryffindor for stupidity.

Polly Chapman (standing, full of affront): No. No. He’s doing it deliberately. He hates Gryffindor and everyone knows it.

Hermione: Sit down Polly Chapman before this gets even worse. (Polly sighs and then sits.) And I suggest you join her, Albus. And end this charade.

Albus: But you’re not this mean.

Hermione: And that’s twenty points from Gryffindor to assure Albus Potter that I am this mean.

  • Is Hermione married to Snape? I honestly wouldn’t be surprised at this point.


Scene Twelve

  • There is an entire scene dedicated to Albus and Scorpius making longing eyes, and just emphasising how lonely they are without each other. If anyone has reached this scene and has any doubts about Albus and Scorpius’ feelings for each other, we’re not reading the same story.
  • But how are they still friends, even when they’ve been sent to different houses? I wish there were more portrayals of inter-house friendships.


Scene Thirteen

  • McGonagall has now passed the mantle on to Ginny to see if she can do a better job of telling Harry that he’s being a dick. She gets interrupted by Draco who is obviously less subtle and less precious about Harry’s feelings than Ginny, especially when his beloved son is involved.
  • Why is the childhood bully doing a better job of being a father?


Scene Fourteen

  • Scorpius, oh my Dumbledore, you are so precious, I want to hug you and protect you from the world.

Delphi: You know, I didn’t have a best friend when I was your age. I wanted one. Desperately. When I was younger I even invented one but –

Scorpius: I had one of those too. Called Flurry. We fell out over the correct rules of Gobstones.

  • Even the story is pushing the Albus and Scorpius of them together.

Delphi: That’s the thing isn’t it? About friendships. You don’t know what he needs. You only know he needs it. Find Scorpius. You two – you belong together.


Scene Fifteen

  • It takes both Draco and Ginny to get through Harry’s pigheadedness, using some anecdotes about being lonely children.
  • The character development in Draco is phenomenal, Rowling, please do a spin-off about Draco, please, I need to know the inner demons he’s had to overcome to get to this stage of his life.
  • I know Harry’s always going on about being alone and having no family but he’s also always had the strongest support network I’ve ever seen and scores of people who love him and are prepared to die for him. There are plenty of people who don’t even have that.


Scene Sixteen

  • I don’t like the revelation that Hermione became who she is in this timeline without Ron. It goes against Hermione completely that she’d be cold and angry without the power of Ron’s love. Hermione is too self-reliant and too strong a character to worry about being alone. Also she’s not married to Snape so I’m genuinely surprised here.
  • Scorpius is giving off really strong child-Hermione vibes here with the convenient expositions and off-screen research to fill in the blanks.
  • And Scorpius is finally calling Albus out for his shit. And it’s the most moving scene so far. It’s honest and raw and confronting:

Scorpius: Without me? Oh poor Albus Potter. With his chip on his shoulder. Poor Albus Potter. So sad.

Albus: What are you saying?

Scorpius: (exploding) Try my life! People look at you because your dad’s the famous Harry Potter, saviour of the wizarding world. People look at me because they think my dad is Voldemort. Voldemort.

Albus: Don’t even –

Scorpius: Can you even slightly imagine what that’s like? Have you even ever tried? No. Because you can’t see beyond the end of your nose. Because you can’t see beyond the end of your stupid thing with you dad. He will always be Harry Potter, you know that right? And you will always be his son. And I know it’s hard, and the other kids are awful but you have to learn to be okay with that, because – there are worse things, okay?


There was a moment I was excited, when I realised time was different, a moment when I thought maybe my mum hadn’t got sick. Maybe my mum wasn’t dead. But no, turns out, she was. I’m still the child of Voldemort, without a mother, giving sympathy to the boy who doesn’t ever give anything back. So I’m sorry if I’ve ruined your life because I tell you – you wouldn’t have a chance of ruining mine – it was already ruined. You just didn’t make it better. Because you’re a terrible – the most terrible friend.

  • Albus takes it well. Surprisingly well. Harry should take notes.

Albus: No. They’re not true. And I’ll tell you why. Because I don’t think Voldemort is capable of having a kind son – and you’re kind, Scorpius. To the depths of your belly, to the tips of your fingers. I truly believe Voldemort – Voldemort couldn’t have child like you.

  • But that doesn’t stop them from deciding to go back to the Triwizard Tournament again to correct their mistake, this time choosing to humiliate Cedric so he gives up, have you learnt nothing children?


Scene Seventeen

  • It’s a touching scene between Hermione and Ron, they’re an incredibly authentic couple.


Scene Eighteen

  • Harry realises what an asshole he’s been and goes to beg for forgiveness from McGonagall.


Scene Nineteen

  • How much of Harry’s adventures were made public? Was he able to rewrite his own history?


Scene Twenty

  • It’s not that special but I still gasped when the second alternate universe showed a victorious Voldemort. I knew it was bound to eventuate, given how many allusions to Voldemort Rowling keeps throwing at us. Does he have the ability to travel through time? Is that the plot twist?
  • Although the idea of ‘Voldemort Day’ made me cringe a little. I always imagined Voldemort to be shadowy and sinister, yet dignified in his victory, not openly showy, but I’ve never conquered a country before, so what do I know.
  • And in this world Harry is dead and his friends are described as terrorists, really driving the point home that the victors write the history books.
  • But the real question has to be, are people saying ‘Thank Voldemort’ now instead of ‘Thank Dumbledore’?


Part Two Act Three


Scene One

  • As if to emphasise that nothing is as it seems, Scorpius is described as athletic and popular, to which he responds adorably confused.
  • What is the Augurey? I want to google this, but I’m scared of accidentally spoiling something for myself.
  • But this means that Albus (friend, not Dumbledore) doesn’t exist in this timeline, since Harry’s dead so we might get a very Scorpius-centric section, which would be amazing because I’d like to see some acts of heroism performed by someone other than Harry and descendants.
  • And Voldemort is now making people raise their right arm and shouting “Hail Voldemort” touch their wrists together and saying “Voldemort and Valour”.


Scene Two

  • “Oh Potter” is now a swear word so I was on the right track which means I am really buying that lottery ticket.


Scene Three

  • The Draco in this timeline is the Head of Magical Law Enforcement and is more like Lucius and less like himself. A common theme in Harry Potter is the power of choice and as much as I like the parent-child comparisons, I wish some of the children would develop personalities that are independent of their parents, as opposed to being completely identical or the complete opposite, otherwise they just feel like an extension of their parents as opposed to their own person.
  • And Scorpius’ mother is still dead in this timeline, can’t the kid get a break?


Scene Four

  • Snape’s alive in this alternate universe. I am so nervous how this will play out, as controversial as Snape is, he is one of my favourite characters, hands down. I am using all my willpower from skimming ahead and not jotting down these notes.


Scene Five

  • So Scorpius manages to convince Snape exceptionally quickly by telling him that he knew of his love for Lily? I rolled my eyes a little.
  • Scorpius also tells Snape that Harry named his son after him and he’s actually moved by this. I am conflicted. I like this softer Snape but it feels out of character for him.
  • But the person most out of character is Cedric “I have to tell my opponent how to solve the Second Task because it’s the honourable thing” Diggory. After the humiliation, Cedric apparently succumbs to the dark side, becomes a Death Eater and kills Neville Longbottom, thereby, ensuring that no one else could have killed Nagini (poor kid, you’re always getting the short straw, maybe you and Scorpius can trade notes). Cedric would never have done that I am speechless. I’m just going to have to stop questioning every plot point and just let the experience wash over me, or it’s going to drive me into an early grave.


Scene Six

  • Snape takes him to the Secret Hideout and Scorpius meets Hermione and Ron, but the important thing is the Snape we all know and love is still here:

Snape [to Hermione]: He’s safe. (Beat.) You know you never could listen. You were a terrible bore of a student and you’re a terrible bore of – whatever you are.

  • Ron as Comic Relief character was taken too far here. Who holds their wand backwards?


Scene Seven

  • Hermione and Ron are still not together in this universe. I guess Rowling really didn’t think they should be together, I don’t like it.
  • Scorpius divulges what happened to Hermione, Ron and Snape in the ‘correct’ universe. Snape is hilariously very Snape about his fate. These are the snarky comments I live for:

Snape: I’m dead, presumably.

He looks at Scorpius. Scorpius’s face drops, Snape smiles thinly.

You were a little too surprised to see me. How?

Scorpius: Bravely.

Snape: Who?

Scorpius: Voldemort.

Snape: How very irritating.

There’s a silence in the room as Snape digests this.

Still there’s glory in being taken down by the Dark Lord himself, I suppose.

Hermione: I’m sorry, Severus.

Snape looks at here, and then swallows the pain. He indicates Ron with a flick of his head.

Snape: Well, at least I’m not married to him.


Scene Eight

  • More story-related action, the four of them go back in time to prevent Albus and Scorpius from messing with Diggory’s chances of winning the Triwizard tournament. The multiple universes are starting to get confusing.


Scene Nine

  • So Scorpius’ memory of his mother isn’t enough to drive the dementors back but thinking about Albus is? The wonderful thing about this relationship is that it’s not even one-sided like Dumbledore and Grindelwald.
  • I’m so naïve, I actually thought Hermione, Ron and Snape would make it out ok; I can’t believe they died in the second alternate universe.
  • But Scorpius is able to get back to the correct timeline and everything seems to be fixed, but I’ve still got a quarter of the way to go so…


Scene Ten

  • McGonagall is laying down the fucking law and being the Voice of Reason that I always knew she could be. Yes Minerva, tell your former students what morons they’ve all been, I am just as disappointed in Hermione as you are.

Professor McGonagall: If I could also give a detention to you, Minister, I would. Keeping hold of a Time-Turner, of all the stupid things!

Hermione: In my defence –

Professor McGonagall: And in a bookcase. You kept it in a bookcase. It’s almost laughable.

Hermione: Minerva. (There is an intake of breath.) Professor McGonagall –

Professor McGonagall: Your children didn’t exist!

  • And the time-turner is conveniently “lost”, not destroyed, so I expect more time travelling adventures.


Scene Eleven

  • I’m getting Lion King flashbacks here:

Albus: Really scared you?

Harry: Yes.

Albus: I thought Harry Potter wasn’t afraid of anything?

Albus: Is that how I make you feel?


Scene Twelve

  • Another dream sequence of Harry’s past where Petunia takes child-Harry to his parent’s grave. This isn’t really meshing with my understanding of Petunia but again, this is the least craziest thing that has happened.


Scene Thirteen

  • Oh so the grave visit never happened.


Scene Fourteen

  • Scorpius referring to himself as “Scorpius the Dreadless” and “Malfoy the Unanxious” is terribly endearing.
  • Reading Albus and Scorpius interact with each other is the real joy of this story. Please have the play come to Australia.
  • Scorpius is going to Neville Longbottom (both in personality and in looks) so hard in his seventh year, I can feel it.


Scene Fifteen

  • Finally Ginny is saying out loud what we have all been thinking throughout this entire play:

Ginny: I can forgive you for one mistake Harry, maybe even two, but the more mistakes you make, the harder to forgive you it becomes.

  • I’m really disappointed with Harry. These are the actions of man who has forgotten what he’s had to go through when he was young.


Scene Sixteen

  • So the Delphi is revealed to be the bad guy and the Augurey that was mentioned in Alternate Universe Two.
  • This is the problem with adding to a much loved series. It’s incredibly obvious who the bad guy is because it’s the new character with more than two minutes of screen time, especially if it’s with any of the main characters (but I can now breathe a sigh of relief that Scorpius the Dreadless isn’t carrying some curse, making him the titular Cursed Child).
  • So now we wait for the backstory, it had better be good.
  • Delphi is giving off strong Barty Crouch Junior insanity vibes here.
  • But there’s also a dash of Tom Riddle grandeur from Book Two as well. Making our heroes hand over the object of value, then toying with it slowly whilst divulging her history. Also there’s this line:

Delphi: Albus. I am the new past. I am the new future. I am the answer this world has been looking for.

  • It’s pretty similar to Tom Riddle’s “Voldemort is my past, present and future”.
  • There are a lot of homages not just to past villains but to the Harry Potter Series in general.


Scene Seventeen

  • Ron is really settling into his Comic Relief / Loving Family Man role and I’m such a sucker for the Loving Family Man.


Scene Eighteen

  • And Delphius is revealed to not even be Amos Diggory’s relative, this is getting exciting. Despite the general quality of the story so far and my issues with the way characters are depicted, my hopes are rising for a plausible back story.


Scene Nineteen

  • So Delphius is revealing her Voldemort links, but given the constant references to Voldemort, this is not new.
  • I feel let down, the play is still very Voldemort-centric. But since he was the main bad guy for the last few decades of Wizarding history, I admit that any other villain probably wouldn’t have had the same impact. But it just feels a bit lazy.
  • Delphi has no imagination as a villain. Voldemort would never have done anything this tacky:

Delphi: I don’t just want you to stop him. I want you to humiliate him. He needs to fly out of that maze naked on a broomstick made of purple feather dusters. Humiliation got you there before and it’ll get us there again. And the prophecy will be fulfilled.

  • And there’s another prophecy. How stressed do you think Harry gets every time he hears there’s a new prophecy?


Scene Twenty

  • Having Cedric show up is quite bittersweet; it’s nice to see the boy that started it all, but his death is set in stone. And Scorpius and Albus have the maturity and the wisdom to let history be.


Scene Twenty-First

  • Why does Harry still understand parseltongue? This story makes no sense. But what makes even less sense is Harry’s reluctance to use parseltongue, even with the possible outcome of saving his own children, because he believes that this skill is evil in its essence. Because it’s related to Voldemort. Despite the fact that, as continually emphasised by everyone and the entire series, it’s now what you’re born with, but how you use it, that defines a person.
  • Although as I think about it, there was some pretty heavy foreshadowing throughout the entire story, especially with the constant references of the importance a parent plays in the life of a child. Or just how much a child is influenced by their parent.
  • But doesn’t the fact Voldemort’s daughter turn out to be evil go against the whole theme of ‘you are what you choose to be, not what you are born’? I would have been ok if she just had a huge chip on her shoulder and was enormously resentful of the world (so a more aggressive Scorpius) but it just seems so unoriginal.
  • She must be the Cursed Child. There is no one more cursed that Voldemort’s offspring.
  • But who is the mother? It’s too late to introduce a new character at this point? Is it Bellatrix? That’s too predictable but I have no expectations anymore. Rowling and Thorne wins. I have nothing. I know nothing.


Part Two Act Four


Scene One

  • Harry and Friends, and Draco, now have to explain to Professor McGonagall why there is still a second Time Turner loose. She understandably loses her shit again but her former students stand up to her on the belief that they’ve done nothing wrong. Even though the entire plot of this story could have been prevented if the time turner was just destroyed.
  • And of all the responses, Ron is by far the best:

Ron: Just to say – I didn’t know about much of it so can’t take responsibility – and I’m pretty sure my kids had nothing to do with it – but if this lot are standing up here, then so am I.

  • The self-preservation, the carefully phrased sentence, Ron you are learning I am so happy.
  • In his youth, Ron may have been eager and rash in helping his friends, but that is not the Ron today. The Ron today just wants to go home, put on his sweatpants and watch some TV.


Scene Two

  • Scorpius you are so fucking cute, he’s such a scene stealer. As an Australian, I often have trouble understanding the particularly strong Irish and Scottish accents of my work colleagues (and thankfully it’s not just me) so it’s pretty educational to learn that the Poms also have trouble with them too.
  • Oh this is quite clever, Delphi has gone back in time to stop another prophecy based on the lecture about choices Scorpius unwittingly imparted on her a few scenes back.
  • I like this for several reasons:
    • I’m glad that the heroic acts are equally split between Albus and Scorpius; we have both kids take initiative, mess up and improve.
    • It gives a bit more credence to Delphi as a villain, because she’s been built up to be this terrible and I think for her story to end the way it has would be disappointing.
    • We’re still continuing on with the theme of choice and how much a prophecy should influence a person’s destiny.
    • And this is a much more interesting and plausible twist than finding out that Delphius was Voldemort’s daughter.


Scene Three

  • Look whatever happens, the portrayal of Scorpius and Albus’ relationship is the winner and helps to elevate the quality of the story.


Scene Four

  • Harry unleashes all his years of resentment onto Dumbledore, someone get the man a therapist. On one hand, he does raise some excellent points, like the fact that Dumbledore knew the Dursley’s were incredibly abusive and chose to do nothing. Yet, you did name your son after him.
  • What a revelation! The sky is still blue, the sun still rises from the east and sets in the west, and Hermione is still the competent witch I always hoped she’d be. It has been revealed that Hermione only kept the time turner for fear that a copy was running around, which actually makes a lot of sense. I’m so sorry I ever doubted you, Hermione, I take back everything I said.
  • Trust Malfoy to be the one that owns the Time Turner, this family is so shifty, honestly. And I can’t believe that Draco would still keep one despite all the rumours surrounding his heir. Is there anyone in this story that has even an ounce of common sense? Because so far it just seems to be Hermione (phew), and surprisingly Ron and Scorpius.


Scene Five

  • This line from Scorpius is really leaning on the fourth wall, no way is that not in reference to the hundreds of theories circulating on the internet.

Scorpius: Albus, there have been about a hundred books written on what Dumbledore knew, how he knew it or why he did what he did. But what’s undoubtedly true – what he did – he needs to do – and I’m not going to risk messing with it. I was able to ask for help because I was in an alternate reality. We aren’t. We’re in the past. We can’t fix time only to create more problems – and if our adventures have taught us anything, they’ve taught us that. The dangers of talking to anyone – infecting time – are too great.

  • I’m glad that Harry and Draco are finally getting along because it looks as if they’ll be in-laws in about ten years time.

Albus: As pleasurable as it will be to hide in a hole with you for the next forty years … they’ll find us. And we’ll die and time will be stuck in the wrong position. No. We need something we can control, something we know he’ll get at exactly the right time. We need a…

Scorpius: There’s nothing. Still, if I had to choose a companion to be at the return of eternal darkness with, I’d choose you.

  • What kind of friends speaks to each other like that?


Scene Six

  • Harry and Ginny get Albus and Scorpius’ message from the past based on the message written on Harry’s childhood blanket as a result of a minor action performed at the beginning of the series. Harry is an insanely lucky man,


Scene Seven

  • Draco, why do you know what a farmer’s market is? Have you been mixing with the hipster crowd?
  • The Ron and Hermione dynamic is spot on.


Scene Eight

  • More plot-related action, the parents meet up with their children. Everything’s gearing up to the finale


Scene Nine

  • I quite like the interaction between Ginny and Harry, it’s a proper husband and wife discussion.
  • Ginny and Harry work out that Delphi just wants to warn Voldemort of the consequences of murdering a baby as opposed to killing Harry herself (although this would lead to the same result in my opinion, can’t villains just take the simple course?)
  • And it’s not even Harry that works out that out, it’s Ginny. To be fair, many of the antagonists that he encounters do try to kill him so we can hardly blame him for jumping to this conclusion. It’s all Harry ever knows really.


Scene Ten

  • The motley crew plan to transform one of them into Voldemort in hopes of luring Delphi out. The discussion on who to choose for this role is spectacular.

Ron: Then I would like to – I think I should be him. I mean, it won’t be – exactly nice being Voldemort – but without wishing to blow my own trumpet – I am probably the most chilled out of all of us and … so maybe transfiguring into him – into the Dark Lord will do less damage to me than – any of you more – intense – people.

  • The shade of it all.


Scene Eleven

  • Do you think in an earlier draft, Hermione and Draco married in another alternate universe? Because Thorne and Rowling really seem to like this idea.

Draco: Hermione Granger, I’m being bossed around by Hermione Granger. (She turns towards him, he smiles.) And I’m mildly enjoying it.

  • Bellatrix is the mother. At least Scorpius can confirm to himself that he’s not Voldemort’s child, but instead his nephew which is still so messed up.
  • I’m still really thrown off by the idea that Voldemort at some point did the beast with the two backs. How scarring do you think it would be for Harry if his mind had connected with him at that moment?
  • Delphi is caught and Harry does the classic hero move and opts to send her to prison instead of killing her.


Scene Twelve

  • Harry has accepted his parents’ death and has also decided to stay behind and watch it. All without interfering.
  • That’s pretty traumatic. But it’s a nice closure, I’ll give it that.


Scene Thirteen

  • Where is Sirius Black? He finds Harry first, then Hagrid. I give up.


Scene Fourteen

  • No no no no no no no no no no no.

Scorpius: I can’t quite believe I did that.

Albus: I can’t quite believe you did that either.

Scorpius: Rose Granger-Weasley. I asked out Rose Granger-Weasley.

  • What the hell is this? This is a disgusting outrage. This is not the story I was reading. I know this is where Rowling was trying to lead with at the beginning but that was not the story she ended up writing.
  • I don’t care that Rose said no.
  • This is such a waste. The relationship between Scorpius and Albus would have been such a boost for the LGBTQI community were it not for this heteronormative panic.


Scene Fifteen

  • Harry’s scared of pigeons. I don’t know what to say.
  • Harry and Albus relationship hasn’t miraculously fixed itself but they’re trying. This is a pleasant way of ending.

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